Just look at that smirky face, it makes me want to smash his head in a panini press. My disdain for Mr. Flay goes back years before the Food Network really gained the popularity it has today. During some random show where he was grilling something in front of a live audience, a guy in the crowd said something that ol' Robert Flay didn't take too kindly to. The exact words escape me, but I do remember it being relatively harmless. At that moment, Bobster looks up from his charred poblano peppers with that same shitty smirk and says, "Heh, nice shirt". What an asshole! Maybe I'm being dramatic, but I really thought he was an uber-douche for attacking some guy's clothing choice.
SIDE NOTE: I'm fully aware of the hypocritical stance I am taking considering the subject matter of my previous post, so save yourself the pat on the back for pointing that out.
Anyways, to circle back to my narrow array of television enjoyment, the point is that I enjoy a lot of Food Network programming. Very recently though, I have stumbled across a show that has captivated me like the first time I saw a 'Magic Eye' book and thought my brain was going to explode through my eyes.
I am, without question, NOT the target audience for this show, and probably not even a demographic that they think knows this programs exists, oh but I do, and not even embarrassed to share with you my interest in...
That's right, bitches! I really like watching 'Teen Mom'. MTV literally sharts TV programs out like they are going for a high score and nearly all of them suck hog, not this little gem though. As unexplainable as it may be, I have found an interest in following the lives of teenage girls who got knocked up and how they handle it. I'm not a female, I'm not a teenager, and I'm not a mom. The reasons why I shouldn't be watching this are endless, the reasons I do watch it defy logic.
Since I have invested some of my TV time with this show, it is only natural that my opinion of the "cast" should be shared. Off we go!
Catelynn:This girl has one of the shittiest situations I have ever known. Her mom is the epitome of a bitch, acts like an four year old, and TRIES to ruin this girl's life. There isn't much I can say here that's funny because this girl has it tougher than most of us will ever know. Plus she gave her baby up for adoption, an open adoption at that, so yeah, nothing witty or funny there. Her and Tyler did get voted Prom King & Queen, so it's not all sadness and depression for these two. I'm half convinced that focus groups of parents insisted this girl be on the show because if I was a teenager and witnessed this girl's home life, I'd never be the little prick that 99% of teenagers are to their parents.
Tyler:This dude is awesome. He is a super wigger pimp that doesn't talk thuggish or anything, but definitely dresses like he is black. What adds to his awesome level is that he has a wacked-out, ex-con, coke-head dad, who is fucking hooked up with Catelynn's mom!!! You can't write this stuff people. Trying to digest this situation makes my head throb with pain and confusion.
Maci:Probably the most popular Teen Mom on the show, she also seems to be the most level-headed. Her kid is cute, her baby daddy is an asshole and she's trying to go to school and make a new relationship work. All admirable things. Her new boyfriend Kyle is a dirt-bike riding oaf who looks like he could have down syndrome, but he seems like a good guy. Anything is better than that fuck nut of a baby daddy, Ryan, eww he makes me so mad. Put his head next to Bob Flay's in that panini press.
Everybody who gets attached to a show pulls for someone to overcome the odds. This is the one you bet money on. Jesus, saying that makes me realize that I'm talking about placing bets and gambling on which one of these Teen Moms will 'win' at life like this is the God-damned Kentucky Derby! Man, that's fucked up. Though I wouldn't mind a mint julep right now.
Farrah:
This girl kinda has it together. I use the term kinda very loosely. Baby daddy died in a car accident, she doesn't seem to really give a shit. Hates her mom, hates her baby daddy's family, but does actually have a job. Maybe I have missed some stuff, but it seems like all she does on this show is get her hair done by some emo Margaret Cho look-a-like instead of being a good mother to her cute kid, Sophia. The relationship she has with her mom is way fucked. There's court hearings, therapy, community service, all the bells and whistles. It's like 90210 (the old one) without money. Who am I kidding, this girl has it together just as much as the next cast member has tact.
Amber:
This girl and her main squeeze, Gary, are by far the most entertaining on the show. They are both crazy, with a slight edge going towards her. The issues between these two go on and on. Amber dropped out of school because of the baby, Gary is the only one working. He does have a job, but Gary is pretty much a dud. I tried so hard to get the video of him "proposing" to Amber on the beach, which was truthfully one of the most comical things I have EVER seen. In it's absence though, submitted for your approval, I share the following video that I feel best highlights their unique relationship:
Can't you just feel the love? The way she so aggressively grasps his moobs and starts to go ape shit is what love is all about. In the most recent installment of this show, I saw Amber and Gary break up. Yes, the rock solid foundation from which their love was built upon was shaken up like Gary's supple breasts when he moves.
As I sit and ponder why I like this show, thoughts of these teen mom's cloud my brain. The fate of these young lasses is yet to be determined, new chapters are written or shit out of MTV producers every single day. The path they choose is not only shaping their destiny, but the lives of their spawn as well. Some will show grace under fire, while others will have meltdowns of epic proportions, but one thing is absolutely certain...
Gary needs to buy larger t-shirts.
